Giving birth

I had went into labor since numerous times over the last eight months. Luckily the doctor was able to stop it. I have never been more scared and sad. I have a boyfriend who hates me, and I do not know why. He says that I need learn my place. I have been trying but I am not sure where I belong anymore.

Fat is a word I never want to hear again. Yes, my stomach is getting bigger everyday but I have only gained 12 pounds the entire time from all the weight I lost everywhere else. I don't like being called fat or the other names I hear daily.

My mother has had to take off a lot lately to get me to the doctors. My boyfriend is always late or drunk and there is no way I am riding with someone who has been partying. He seems to not care about me or the baby at all.

I haven't had sex with him for months now. I am no longer attracted to him. I just don't think that he is faher material anymore, but I am staying in it for our daughter. Maybe once she comes he will change.

She has kicked for months now and he hasn't been interested once. She has the hiccups a lot too. I am so ready for her to come. The doctor has sent me to the ER because I have been dilated 4 cm for a few weeks now and am completely efaced. I am so ready for this moment.

I have my room completely decorated for her. She has Lilac walls with Princess pink Trim and huge Winnie the Pooh stickers on the wall. I have tons of clothes and all Winnie the Pooh furniture. Her father is yet to buy a thing besides a yellow rubber duck. His mother has filled a basket with things for her. Other than those items, it has all came from my family and myself. But it is not a contest on who can buy her the most, I am just curious if he will love her as much as me.

I am dilating quickly with the Petocin. It has only been a couple hours and I almost ready to push. Everyone has been bickering over who would be here so I just let everyone come. I wanted my mother but didn't have the heart to deny my boyfriend.

There are seven people, including myself, who are anxious to see what she will look like. I have opted to give her my last name. Which has upset my boyfriend and his family, but I look at it as she needs the same last name as her mother. This is one thing that I am putting my foot down on.

A million things have been running through my head when the doctor says it is time. With my mom holding one leg, his mom holding the other, and my boyfriend almost falling asleep (NO JOKE IT IS ON TAPE) I give birth to a 5 lb. 9.5 oz. babygirl. She is the most precious thing I have ever seen! Everything is brighter! I am elated.

A few hours after she was born, the nurse came in with some papers for the father to sign. She tells us that this is so he can legally be on the birth certificate. The next few paragraphs are as vivid as movie. I know everything that was said word for word almost five years later.

He read through the papers and on the back was something for child support. I was later told this was for if I ever wanted to get child support from him. They said he couldn't deny that he was the father. He was dead set that I had that paper put in.

He refused to sign the papers. My mother said don't let him that this is the final straw. She said we would be better off without him. Against her advice, I kept at him to please sign them. I kept telling him that I did not want my baby to not have a father. Little did I know, this was a huge mistake.

He signed the papers and then started yelling that I was out to take his money and he didn't have the money for a baby, he was having too much trouble fixing his truck to pay for one. He started ranting and raving and threw a lighter across the room which exploded and almost hit the baby. He got in my face and said he would kill us both if he had to.

That is when I pushed the call button. As the nurse came over the system I said I need somoene now and they must have heard it in my voice because in fifteen seconds she was there. As tears were rolling down my face and my newborn was screaming I said please just make him leave. As he walked out he ripped up the papers and threw them in my face.

The nurse kept asking if me and the baby were okay and I said yes. I let her know that we were fine as long as he was gone. She told me about domestic violence classes that the hospital offered.

About an hour later the door swung open to a ranting boyfriend. He grabbed me and said he wasn't leaving, there was nothing I could do. He plopped on the bed and I grabbed the phone and the baby and ran into the bathroom.

I called my mother and told her what was going on. She told me to push the call button in the bathroom and I did. A nurse came in and seen him back. He was escorted out of the room by security. This time the nurse said she wouldn't leave until my mother got there.

About an hour later my mother came and stayed with me. I was allowed no more visitors without them first checking in at the nurses station and presenting an ID. I vowed then to never take anymore abuse. I wasn't going to live like this. My daughter wouldn't either. But I gave him one more chance before it was over completely.

Until Then,

Blondie