Giving birth

I had went into labor since numerous times over the last eight months. Luckily the doctor was able to stop it. I have never been more scared and sad. I have a boyfriend who hates me, and I do not know why. He says that I need learn my place. I have been trying but I am not sure where I belong anymore.

Fat is a word I never want to hear again. Yes, my stomach is getting bigger everyday but I have only gained 12 pounds the entire time from all the weight I lost everywhere else. I don't like being called fat or the other names I hear daily.

My mother has had to take off a lot lately to get me to the doctors. My boyfriend is always late or drunk and there is no way I am riding with someone who has been partying. He seems to not care about me or the baby at all.

I haven't had sex with him for months now. I am no longer attracted to him. I just don't think that he is faher material anymore, but I am staying in it for our daughter. Maybe once she comes he will change.

She has kicked for months now and he hasn't been interested once. She has the hiccups a lot too. I am so ready for her to come. The doctor has sent me to the ER because I have been dilated 4 cm for a few weeks now and am completely efaced. I am so ready for this moment.

I have my room completely decorated for her. She has Lilac walls with Princess pink Trim and huge Winnie the Pooh stickers on the wall. I have tons of clothes and all Winnie the Pooh furniture. Her father is yet to buy a thing besides a yellow rubber duck. His mother has filled a basket with things for her. Other than those items, it has all came from my family and myself. But it is not a contest on who can buy her the most, I am just curious if he will love her as much as me.

I am dilating quickly with the Petocin. It has only been a couple hours and I almost ready to push. Everyone has been bickering over who would be here so I just let everyone come. I wanted my mother but didn't have the heart to deny my boyfriend.

There are seven people, including myself, who are anxious to see what she will look like. I have opted to give her my last name. Which has upset my boyfriend and his family, but I look at it as she needs the same last name as her mother. This is one thing that I am putting my foot down on.

A million things have been running through my head when the doctor says it is time. With my mom holding one leg, his mom holding the other, and my boyfriend almost falling asleep (NO JOKE IT IS ON TAPE) I give birth to a 5 lb. 9.5 oz. babygirl. She is the most precious thing I have ever seen! Everything is brighter! I am elated.

A few hours after she was born, the nurse came in with some papers for the father to sign. She tells us that this is so he can legally be on the birth certificate. The next few paragraphs are as vivid as movie. I know everything that was said word for word almost five years later.

He read through the papers and on the back was something for child support. I was later told this was for if I ever wanted to get child support from him. They said he couldn't deny that he was the father. He was dead set that I had that paper put in.

He refused to sign the papers. My mother said don't let him that this is the final straw. She said we would be better off without him. Against her advice, I kept at him to please sign them. I kept telling him that I did not want my baby to not have a father. Little did I know, this was a huge mistake.

He signed the papers and then started yelling that I was out to take his money and he didn't have the money for a baby, he was having too much trouble fixing his truck to pay for one. He started ranting and raving and threw a lighter across the room which exploded and almost hit the baby. He got in my face and said he would kill us both if he had to.

That is when I pushed the call button. As the nurse came over the system I said I need somoene now and they must have heard it in my voice because in fifteen seconds she was there. As tears were rolling down my face and my newborn was screaming I said please just make him leave. As he walked out he ripped up the papers and threw them in my face.

The nurse kept asking if me and the baby were okay and I said yes. I let her know that we were fine as long as he was gone. She told me about domestic violence classes that the hospital offered.

About an hour later the door swung open to a ranting boyfriend. He grabbed me and said he wasn't leaving, there was nothing I could do. He plopped on the bed and I grabbed the phone and the baby and ran into the bathroom.

I called my mother and told her what was going on. She told me to push the call button in the bathroom and I did. A nurse came in and seen him back. He was escorted out of the room by security. This time the nurse said she wouldn't leave until my mother got there.

About an hour later my mother came and stayed with me. I was allowed no more visitors without them first checking in at the nurses station and presenting an ID. I vowed then to never take anymore abuse. I wasn't going to live like this. My daughter wouldn't either. But I gave him one more chance before it was over completely.

Until Then,

Blondie

from pregnant to beaten

This is my story. I lived through it and am determined to tell it to anyone that it may help. If you have ever been a victim or are a victim of abuse, I hope my stories can help you. I do not want your memories to be as vivid as your scars like mine are. Feel free to comment!

It is a nice Tuesday afternoon. The air is fresh in February. I like how the air is crisp and wind gentle. I set out to walk a block to my beloved boyfriend's house. We have been dating for five months now and I feel so comfortable with him. I owe him the world because of his kind hand when I walked away from the drug scene. He has been so sweet and caring. I could never ask for anything more.

When I arrive at his house he is playing X-box waiting on me. As soon as I get there he greets me with a kiss that makes me feel those familiar butterflies in my stomach. I could live like this forever! I don't know what I did in life to deserve him, but I am glad that I did it.

After a few games of Scattegories, our favorite game, we decide to walk back to my house and take a nap. As we walk, hands inner-laced, mt heart beats rapidly. I have never felt like this for anyone and the passed week I just have all these overwhelming feelings for him. I just know that one day we will be married.


We arrive at my house and crawl into bed for a restful nap. Days off work are so enjoyable with such good company. I fall alseep with my head on his chest in munutes. It is just so easy to get comfortable in his arms.

An hour later I awake with the worst stomach cramps I think I have ever had. I wake him and tell him that I am not feeling well. He holds my hair back as I start to throw up in the trash can beside my bed. I stay doubled over in pain crying for forty-five minutes until he says he is calling my mother.

My mother arrives at the house about thirty minutes later. She is panicky in situations that she has no control over. I can here in her voice that she thinks something is wrong. I tell her that I think I have food poisoning and I need to go to ther doctors. We are in route to the doctors office in less than five minutes.

When we arrive at the doctors there is no wait. I am crying like a child and walking on my tippie-toes from the pain. Lab is drawn from me and I am given pain medication to subdue the pain until they can figure out what is wrong with me.


Thirty minutes after the lab work was done, I am moved to another room. Everyone with me is asked to wait outside. The doctor doesn't take long to walk in. He sits down and looks me in the eye and asks me if I have had unprotected sex. I am appauled by being asked this. I tell him it is none of his business.


The doctor looks at me and says, "You're pregnant."

What!? No way! I burst into tears and say I am not ready. He lets me know that this is a little late to be thinking about things like that and that there is a possibility that I could have a tubal pregnancy. I am set up with an appointment later in the afternoon for my first ultrasound.

I walk out of the doctor's office in disbelief. My mother and boyfriend want to know what the doctor's decided was wrong. I was not sure how to let it out, but it came out. In a fast, loud way.

I had never seen a bigger smile on my boyfriend's face as when I said those words. He was elated! I was uneasy about the whole thing. I loved children and my boyfriend and pictured one day us having children. But at that exact moment, I wasn't sure if I could be a good mom.

A few hours later I was on my way to my ultrasound. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing. I wasn't sure about what type of mother I would be, but I was quickly warming up to the idea.

Hand in hand my boyfriend and I walked into the ultrasound room eager to see what we would find. I was prepped ans the technician quickly pointed out a small blinking light that was the heartbeat. It was as small as pencil lead. For such a small thing it sure was making me feel a lot. Never did I expect that feelig a whole lot was what was going to happen for the rest of my pregnancy.

That night, after I went to sleep, I was awoken by a very beligerent boyfriend. He had a look in his eyes that I had never seen. I was confused. I had just woken up from a deep sleep to some pshycho yelling about me pissing him off.

What could I have done? I began crying and rolled over in the bed. I had no idea what was going on or why it was. That is when he set my hair on fire with a lighter. I began slapping my head and trying to get up screaming for help. I was thrown to the ground five times before I grabbed a candle and threw it at him.

All the commotion woke up my parents and they came running. My boyfriend ran out and my parents called 911. I had mixed emotions when the cops came. I though he might have been drunk or high. This wasn't like him at all. The policeman took some pictures and filed a report. that is all he said he could do.

I spent the next three house in the sink of my bathroom glued to the mirror. I could make out his handprints in my chest. He had pushed me down so hard, that I had two perfect hands on my chest above my breasts. I wondered why he hadn't called, but why would he? I knew we could get past this, at least for the baby, right? I was blind to the pain I would further endure at his hands for giving him another chance.

Until Next Time
Blondie