The Fight Begins

My memories of the day I found out that my pap came back cancerous are blurred but vivid. I can remember exactly what conversation I was having when the call came in and everything that concluded the day. The phone call that I had for thirty minutes with a nurse practitioner on the phone, on the other hand, is a different story.

I spent the morning hours of this particular Friday outside playing with my daughter. I had turned down plans to go to a party with a close friend. I felt I just needed to stay home with my daughter. I had recently gone through a terrible break up and just hadn't felt like doing anything.

I was talking on the phone with my friend as another call came in. I asked him to hold on and switched over unaware of the conversation that was about to take place. The voice on the phone was a woman eager to let me know that my pap had came back. She preceded to tell me that it had came back positive for cancer and that I needed to see a specialist because there was no more they could do there.

That point in the conversation is when it becomes a blur. I haven't a clue what she said, and why a telephone conversation was deemed the method to let me know. She had no information besides it was something that needed immediate attention.

After about thirty minutes, my friend was still on hold. I have no clue why he chose to stay on the line for that long. He normally hangs up after a few seconds, but this time he was still there.

The conversation had gone from happy to sad. Two weeks earlier one of our friends was diagnosed with cancer with a terrible outlook. He was fading fast, and now I was diagnosed. He was screaming to God about why all of us, and I was crying hysterically screaming why me?

He assured me that he would be there through this and I was planning on how to say good-bye to my one year old. I was lying down before I knew what fight was ahead. This was definitely a hurdle in life that would show how strong I was, or break me completely. I was leaning toward being broke at this moment, unaware of just how strong I could be.

Until Then

Blondie