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I was quickly seen by an oncologist after finding out that I had cancer. I had a biopsy. It quickly came back positive and surgery was planned. I sat in my hospital bed thinking if the good bye before my surgery would be the last one I would be giving my daughter.

Being a single parent was something I had pride in and now it was my greatest fear. Where would she go? Who would take care of her? What path would she choose in life? Who would protect her like me? Tears were running down my face as I thought of all the if's.

Then a miraculous thing happened. A ten year old girl named Holly was rolled in the room I was in. She was waiting for her surgery as well. She was eager to talk. She had a twinkle in her eye when she asked me what was my diagnosis.

I told her I had cervical cancer and had to have surgery. She said that she had cancer too. She showed me a bunny that had a button for an eye and its ear held on with a safety pin. She said his name was comfort. She said that was the only one in the whole world who knew all her secrets.

As slow as hospitals are, we got in a life changing conversation. She asked me lots of questions. She asked me if I hurt all the time and I told her no. Her response was that she had terrible pain. She said that she couldn't tell anyone about the pain because it made her mom cry. She said that Comfort got his ear ripped off after her last surgery when her pain was bad.

She then told me that she had one more year to live. She didn't cry or sniffle. She just moved on to her next question for me. How long do you have? I looked at her with tears in my eyes and a lumo in my throat and said a little longer. She talked like a grown educated woman. She was well mannered and adorable. Soon after that last question she was wheeled to surgery.

As I lay in that bed waiting for my turn in the operating room, I lay there thinking of how such a young girl who was told she was going to die was doing so well. She would go without telling anyone she hurt so her mom would feel better. She was so selfless in her actions.

And here I sat, worried if I would be okay. Worrying about me when every doctor had told me I just needed surgery and it would be over. And I was treating it like tomorrow may not come.

I was eventually sedated. I woke up cancer free. I could leave in a few hours. It was over. A nurse came to my bedside and told me there was someone who wanted to see me. It was Holly. She looked so battered. She came to make sure I made it okay. Her words were a whisper as she told me she hoped to see me again.

I went home that night and in a week was fine. It was like nothing had ever happened. But I did go visit Holly three more times before she passed. We talked about her pain and heaven. She told me that angels have no pain. She told me when it hurt and I would get a nurse. As far as she knew her mom never knew her pain.

She told me she wasn't afraid to die. She was afraid for her mom when she was gone. She wasn't sure if she would be okay. Holly was more to me than just someone I met; she was an inspiration to reach for the stars. According to her, that is where she is.

Her mom is doing better. I have visited and shared e-mails and stories with her sabout her daughter. She knows that it takes a special person to make a special person like Holly. She knows that she inspired me to look at the bright sides and to know when to worry for others and not myself.

Holly will always be a part of my life even though she is gone. I know that I met her for a reason and will treasure that for the rest of my life. She was an inspiration to more people than just me I am sure.

Until Then


Ms. Sarah said...

oh I so wasnt planning to cry. Amazing when an angel comes into our life and we dont always realize the reason why. I am glad you are doing better. You are most defintly being watched by this little girl

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Amazing account - I was moved.

Blondie said...

Thanks for all the comments! You guys are great readers and hope that you enjoy my writings. Thanks for keeping up with it.

Until Then

michelle said...

Hello! it's my first time popping by your blog and this post is amazing. I am a childhood cancer survivor...I am glad that your surgery went well and that you met such a great friend along the way. I do plan to stop by and visit again! My blog is smoochdog.sqaurespace.com (no www)

Copyboy said...

Wow. Powerful, moving stuff.

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